Inside city hall, 6-3-09

I have a love-hate relationship with city ordinances. They are the made-in-Munday laws that cover yards and lots, and lots of animals. They also cover old vehicles, vagrants and noise.

Ordinances were created by those who wanted to bring everyone else into compliance with a prescribed way of getting along. The Horseless Carriage ushered in ordinances by the wagon load. They were noisy and scared the horses and chickens. There were those who thought man couldn’t survive 40 miles-per-hour in one of those contraptions. Automobiles would be the end of “a way of life.” And they knew nothing of pollution in those days. And to think, my daddy courted my mother in one of those crazy things.

Ordinances are enacted to fill in the gaps between Federal and State laws. Ordinances can be stronger than state laws, but not weaker. State law provides a ceiling for fines imposed on violators of city ordinances. For most the highest fines are $500, while those concerned with health and safety can reach $2,000.

In a perfect world ordinances would not be needed: every citizen would automatically do what is right to get along in society. Suffice it to say we don’t live in a perfect society where everyone obeys the laws of our land, or our city. Sadly some of us still want to live like our ancestors and fill our caves with the bones and furs of our daily kill. In order to live harmoniously in modern society every citizen is obligated to do their part in keeping our air, water and planet clean and free of dangerous chemicals, and other harmful stuff.

Used correctly, ordinances can help keep things in order. Ordinances are for everyone, not just some of us. However, everyone must be treated the same. This is difficult to do, because in the eyes of some they are singled out for punishment while others receive preferential treatment.

I am the middle man who gets to deliver the bad news when alleged violators show up in court bearing their gilded citation. I’m the one who gets to hear their monologue of mistrust and profanity. My skin shines with the scars from their biting barbs. It’s all in the line of duty.

Not long ago one of my “clients” came in with one of those yellow wasps citation) and in a quiet, reverent voice asked, “How much I owe?” He had just finished paying off his wife’s speeding ticket, I knew he couldn’t afford to pay for a ordinance violation. At first I refused to accept his money. But he insisted, “It’s my right, as American citizen.” I looked into his dark eyes, now alight with the fire of patriotism. I was humbled to tears, never had I witnessed anything as powerful as this. I set my rate card aside and fined him the minimum, which was still too much for this case. He proudly paid it and thanked me for allowing him to do his duty.

I’ve learned that he was born in Mexico and got his citizenship the old, hard way. He knows more about being a dutiful citizen than most Americans. Don’t you know he was the first one at the polls on election day. He had a right to complain: he didn’t. Instead, he exercised his right to pay a fine, just like any other citizen. God has blessed America with citizens like him. The rest of us pampered papas need to do some soul-searching.

Most of us think of ordinances in two ways: they’re good/they’re bad. If you own a wasp they are bad. If you are smiling you are on the other side. An ordinance can be like a big stick, to beat someone into submission. If we want to bring someone into compliance we support Roosevelt’s “Big Stick” policy. If you want to listen to your music as loudly as you please you don’t support the stick. In fact, you just crank it up another notch just for spite.

Where ordinances are concerned, I have a difficult job to do as municipal judge. However, I will be fair and just, but I will not whop you with a big ol’ stick. I have a gavel for that.