Lesson Three, "How to use pallets"

Just stack them on top of each other and beside each other and fasten them together somehow. Get all those mesquite limbs, you know, the ones that table legs in the rough. And, viola, you have a manger. Now, just add some faded cutout characters and stake them to the ground.

Yeah, I know, it needs something. A sheep? They just don't show up very good, do they? What to do?

Public Toilets

Yes, you read that right. Public toilets. So what about public toilets?

For one thing, they stink. Yeah, I said they stink. Most of them do at least. I can’t speak about the ladies’ rest rooms, however. Okay, we have a start here. Now what can I say to fill in the space?

I continue to be amazed at the people who use them. And the people, how do you say this: people who clean them, or the people who don’t clean them? Well, you know what I mean. Don’t you? I have to wonder if this is one of those jobs that no one is in charge of cleaning the johns. Or is that Johns? Who really cares? You know, when it’s nobody’s job, the job doesn’t get done. And who wants to volunteer to clean the toilet?

It makes a big difference when someone claims that job and does it, with or without gloves. Yeah, a rest room gets used and doesn’t stay clean. Men are messy in the toilet: at home or on the road. It’s their nature. I don’t know why! Yeah, I’m a man, but I can’t answer that question. Lid, what lid? What puddle?

I can brag about using the toilets in some of the finest public places in the world. I have noticed that the five-star hotels always have clean rest rooms. In some of them one has to tip someone to use the facilities. That is okay with me, it’s worth a quarter to have a clean place, with soap and paper towels.

And what are the worst places? There are plenty in this category. Fast food restaurants and service stations top the list. I’ve lost track of the times I have, uh, used a facility and then couldn’t wash my hands for lack of soap. So, do those who work at these places not wash their hands before they serve me food? Good question, huh?

I blew the whistle on a guy in Fort Lauderdale one time for not washing his hands. He had no excuse, this place was clean and had plenty of soap and water. I told the manager I did not want that guy handling my food.

I was at Home Depot yesterday and thought I’d visit the stall. Well, dad gum, there isn’t any paper. So I gather my clothes like one of the guys walking around with huge pants on, you know, they have to hold them up with one hand. Well, there I go next door. Dad gum, this one doesn’t have any paper either. Drats, there is someone in the other stall. “Could you share your paper with me?” How do you say that in Spanish? Forget it. This is Saturday anyway.

After writing all this, what did I say that was worth saying? Reader decide.